I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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