I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
