so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
