I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
