If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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