you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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