That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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