Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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