Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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