So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
