You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
zippers are such a cool invention
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
