im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
