don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
