She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
