I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
