So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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