ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
