I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
