The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
