my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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