i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
