Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
