The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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