yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Couch. On fire.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
