Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
