That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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