The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My liver just had a heart attack.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
