they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
