currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
