One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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