is your mom at the bar?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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