ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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