I just pynch a tree in the face
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's always time for handjobs
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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