I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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