Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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