I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
