So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
