Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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