i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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