I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
