sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
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