I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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