I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
