I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
