he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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