last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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