I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
