I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
