I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
