JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
