Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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